Hi. I see you have trotted into my mentions or instigated some sort of internet discourse with me. I see you disagree with me about feminism. I see that you are wrong. I tell you that you are wrong and all the ways that you are wrong. I cite you sources you do not read. You send me back “sources” from Return of Kings or cite your own frustrations as empirical evidence of biology, sociology, and ideal masculinity.
You say if I was a “real” feminist I would care about men. I detail my concerns about toxic masculinity. You counter about female genital mutilation or some other distraction topic because you’re mad at me. Your emotions have left you scrambling for a place to direct your frustration and you’ve decided that “conquering” or “defeating” me is how you’re gonna do it. I’ve met you before. I’ll meet you again. Consider this your form letter.
I care about men. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be bothering to interact with you at all. I would lobby to form some sort of separatist colony. I have very important relationships with a lot of really wonderful men. None of them are you. They are open to education and discourse and giving me new perspectives. You’re an angry, spiteful person who doesn’t really want to be challenged. You want to spout your bile and then feel edgy. I would remind you that holding up the narcissistic status quo of White Male Patriarchal Masculinity is not how you be edgy. As for advocacy for men, I don’t presume to know your experiences (unlike what you’ve done here in this conversation) so I recommend you start some volunteer work to show young boys positive role models of masculinity. Write some new narratives. I support that. But no I’m not going to prioritize that over the safety and equality of women.
Yes, I think being a White Man is basically the best gig on the planet. Sorry. White Men are out earning everyone else. You make the majority of political decisions. You dictate the bulk of the culture. And you have luxury of being incredibly dull. That is not to say that a lot of White Men don’t struggle. Perhaps you grew up in the wrong side of the class war. Perhaps you’re dealing with mental health challenges or emotional trauma. These experiences are valid and I honor those struggles. You’re still functioning at like an 8/10. White Women are at about a 5/10 and everyone else trails far behind that. Sorry, you’re not really my priority. I never said being a White Man was the perfect gig, but it is the best gig. It’s the most privileged gig.
I see we have reached the point in the conversation where you are telling me to “deal with it.” To put on my big girl panties, put my hair in a ponytail, pull myself up by my bootstraps, and Deal With It. Confronting you on your privilege is dealing with it. Challenging your ideas is dealing with it. Blocking you after you call me a “cunt” or some variation is dealing with it. Demanding your respect is dealing with it. You just don’t like it. You don’t like how I’m dealing with it because you have to see it and hear it and, forgive my repetition, deal with it. This is how I am dealing with it. If you don’t like how I am dealing with systematic oppression, that’s your prerogative, but I don’t care. That is also how I deal with it. In order for me to get anything done, I am required to not care about your feelings. I don’t make the rules. I’m pretty sure a man told me that once so take it up with him. I know you’re not used to women not caring about your feelings. It’s a strange place for you to be in. Especially since you consider everything that women do, including dancing with our friends and leaving our house, as performative for men because women having a good time without you is so beyond your social narrative, but alas here it is. While I understand your pain, I’d remind you that men don’t really care about my feelings as evidenced by internet comments and whatever Twitter fight you pulled me into. You have that delusion of the “greater good” and writing women off as “too emotional” so you never have to take them seriously. So, I’m telling you to deal with it. You have to deal with how I’m dealing with patriarchy.
In conclusion, I am sorry you are wrong. I am sorry you are upset. I’m sorry that you don’t like what I’m doing. And when I say “I’m Sorry” it means I am sorry FOR YOU. Because you are missing out. But I don’t care about your feelings.